I’m starting to like Mike Huckabee more and more…I don’t know why either. I do like his politics, but I think it’s more the dimples!

Why does a person Blog?

I know this question has been asked and discussed many times over the recent years. There are too many people doing it to not wonder the motives behind it. I was surprised when I googled this question, because of all the different, numerous, and valid reasons some people have for doing it…(besides because their thoughts are so profound they must be heard..lol)

Sometimes I think people that aren’t on computers as much, don’t really understand the motives for such things. Why would you want to tell about yourself or reveal personal things (perhaps faults) to the world? And why would you think anyone cares enough to read it…isn’t that a bit egotistical? I guess that;s what I thought too, back in 2000 when I saw a blog. I remember joking about how weird it was to put your thoughts online FOREVER in history, thanks to the WAY BACK Machine. But really, isn’t everything these days traceable? Almost. I’d personally rather write my thoughts than just speak them out loud (cause Iusually don’t think before I speak much)  And it helps we with my writing, although you wouldn’t know it by looking at this post.  I mean my memory is pretty darn good, I keep track of every little thing anyone has ever said without trying.  It’s like a curse, great long-term memory, id really rather not remember some things.  Whoopi said on the view one time she doesn’t send email because then your documented forever as saying something… I guess. I thin kit’s worth it, cause forever isn’t here on earth anyways.

Anyway, here are some interesting reasons I found in other blogs: I hate the word blog.

Why do you Blog? Answers:

Anne Mathewson of Fishbucket says,

“Herman Melville put it best when he said, “We cannot live for ourselves alone. Our lives are connected by a thousand invisible threads, and along these sympathetic fibers, our actions run as causes and return to us as results.” A perfect description of blogging, don’t you think?”

Dervala Hanley says,

When I set up my first Blogger account three years ago, the form asked for a tagline. For want of anything better, I put “A love letter.” By the time I had fifty thousand words on the clock, it got a bit clearer what I’d meant by that.

It’s all about lurve, baby.

I blog for the same reasons that Alistair Cooke read those Letters From America until he was ninety-six or seven. I’m an emigrant. My family is thousands of miles away, and my friends are scattered around the world. Each entry is a letter home, wherever that is, and it’s also a letter _about_ home, wherever that might be.

It’s a love letter to some kid not yet born, and to the friends, strangers, sisters, exes, and former classmates who might stop by. (Funny how those circles overlap.)

And it’s mostly (even when I’m cranky) a letter about the things, people, and places that I love. I could store up enthusiasms until I burst, but writing them down is a better way to absorb and share them.

I haven’t much interest in the debates that seem to go on–that weird A List thing, the blogging-versus-journalism angst, the schism between warbloggers and cat diarists. I’m not much of a linker or an argufier. I still hate the word ‘blog’.

My blog is a message in a bottle with a FedEx tracking number. Hello World.

Another good one, from La Vache Qui Lit

“I blog because I get a pinging in my brain when I cruise other blogs that no drug can match. It’s a chemical thing all right. I blog because I am filled to the b/rim with grief and find it a handy boatman way to blanket the sadness with anger and outrage. I blog because I’m fundamentally insecure and want people to love me or hate me. Just notice me. I blog because if I have some random technical question someone will always answer it. And they usually do it in a way that’s instructional at my level without being condescending. Priceless. You don’t see me AskingJeeves, man.

I blog, off the top of my head, for: Conversation factor. I blog because it seems like it should be illegal. Communication. Nobody blogs in an aspirateur. Feedback on the writing. If you got something to say I’d appreciate it if you’d say it straight to my blog, eh? Forces me to write. I blog because the first rule of blogging is: there are no rules to blogging. Sometimes it seems like some sort of a loosely arranged writers’ group. Sometimes a peppered with rumors mill. In a world increasingly focused on specialization and separation I like to wander around seemingly aimlessly making connections. Then BOOM! The exact thing I’m looking for will appear. Seemingly out of thin heir. Or so it appears.”

Brian Moffatt says he blogs

“… because I believe that there is only the particular and singular in life. It’s that voice thing. I don’t want to beat that to death, but I had this conversation with a blogger the other night. The first I had met in real life. I mentioned to him - a new blogger - that one of the things I really enjoyed was watching someone new to blogging develop and emerge. Seeing their voice emerge. Like a burlesque. Peeling away the layers of clothing, the self-consciousness rising and dissolving, the tentativeness, the self-loathing, the self-pity and then BOOM - there she is! The naked Blog writer. Preferably a she.

The singular…though the causes of an event are forever and always multiplicitous. I have always been a great reader and writer of letters. Great in the sense of volume. As a reader: the letters of writers, the letters home from soldiers, personal correspondence. That sort of thing. I love eavesdropping on conversations in restaurants. I love speaking with people on airplanes. I’m not much at dinner parties or in groups. Listening, because you never know when someone is going to toss off a gem.

As a writer, I love sitting down to blog. When I start a post I have no idea where I’m headed. I love that freedom. I do write otherwise. With outlines and plans. Strategies. But blog writing is like going off for a walk with no predetermined finish time or route, sometimes the walk is through the fields, sometimes along the streets. The typing: different from what I might write with a pen, the pen being much closer to the heart. The typing taps into some place in my brain. I think my best writing comes when I am not thinking. I’m just writing. Or at least that’s the way I can look at it when a post is linked to. Which is ultimately the best part about blog writing. Getting a reaction.

I rarely reread my posts. Hence the tremendous number of typos and grammatical errors. But for me, that’s okay. I’m not the most anal person in the world. But it’s very much what I look for elsewhere. The flaw. The scar. The fingerprint. The idiosyncratic. The weirded-out turn of phrase. Something close to the hearth where the meat burns in an instant and leaves your face all warm for a bit. I love reading something I’ve written and thinking ‘geez who wrote that?’”

Finance blogger Ranjan asked Amit Varma the same question and his answer was “Guilt”

When I wake up late and log on to my site meter and see that a couple of thousand people have come to my blog while I’ve sleeping, it makes me feel guilty that I’ve let them down. So I blog on.

This post just reminded me of a funny story. I don’t know why this makes me laugh so much, maybe you have to know the kinda kid my sister was growing up, to think it’s all that funny. But anyways, we joke about the day she realized for the first time, that she wasn’t the only one that had the ability to think internal thoughts. She must of been like 5 or 6, I think, and she was so disappointed because all that time she had been thinking she was the only one with that “special power.”  It kinda reminds me of the egotism people perceive someone who writes online must have.

I think I use it as a way to keep track of myself. I mean it’s the only thing I can’t write and lose later.  If you knew my short-term memory, you’d see why that’s so important.  It’s always in the same place and no matter where I am, I can find it. I do like the reason given above, “becasuse it seems like it should be illegal.”

It’s not like I put even a fourth of what I’d like to write online. I imagine if I did write everything I wanted, then…Well, I don’t know what would happen to me if I did. But I won’t try it, not yet..

Nobody asked me this question, but I think it’d be a fun one to answer if they did…

What did you do in 2008?

Well, for one thing I’ve been 220 pds and 130 pds in 2008, that was a weird feeling.

It would have to be my best year ever. Very Dramatic and eventful, but still the best. God was working all over the place.

It was January 15 that I found out I was 6 months pregnant. From then on it was a wild ride!

I don’t mean to “toot my own horn” or  anything, just thought it was eventful and worth remembering

I need to make a timeline for myself, cause it kinda all feels like a dream in a way.

I made this timeline below on Ourstory.com, way back. Now I can’t sign into my account and some things I’d like to change, but oh well! Point is that on Jan 12th I opened my account on ourstory and jan 15th is when I knew. Weird I thought! ALso the domain name, thestoryofagirl.com, I reserved like 3 years ago…before I had a story to tell.

Some do a lot, some not so much.

I got this email today. Not quite sure how it works, but click the photo or link once for me, if you can? Thanks.

You are now on the front page of TopMomma.com!!!! Time is of the essence, so make sure that you tell all your friends and readers ASAP to get the most clicks possible.

Your referral url is: http://www.topmomma.com/mommas/referal/2127

So spread the word- and good luck!

So, I’m writing this post from Mexico, Playa Del Carmen actually (I think that’s how you spell it).  It’s beautiful, warm and everything I could ask for out of a vacation.  And I’m not complaining…it just doesn’t feel much like Christmas here. Which, I guess was sorta the point of my family randomly deciding to come her last week. Actually, my best friend’s family was going, and I guess she thought it would be a good idea to suggest we come along too.  I didn’t think we would pull it together in time at all, but here we are. I had to drive 8 hours to and from Houston earlier this week, just to get my new passport in time (I don’t know why it usually takes 3 weeks to receive, when in person, they have it done in 30 minutes)

So, I’m here. We got in late, so I haven’t done anything but order food and drinks (since it’s all -inclusive, my dad takes that to mean we all must eat & drink double and never miss a meal.  Everyone is asleep… but like always, I’m still up. I never go right to bed, and especially not in a new place. I’m just glad I brought my computer and the internet works…because I’d feel really disconnected without at least checking my email everyday. I forgot  my glasses though, so I can barely see the screen…seriously.

I tried so hard to get the package sent off today, it was right down to the wire. But by the time I had it all packed up and ready to drop off at the adoption agency, it was time to head to the airport (then our flight was delayed anyway). So I’m kinda upset with myself about that not working out. I really wanted it to get to her on Christmas. But I guess it will be more of a New Year’s surprise now. My family thinks I’m insane because I take practically everything I own with me on vacations.  I haven’t been on one in a few years (last one was to Mexico too, where I met my now ex boyfriend, and this time I refuse to have the same bad luck again)  My sister travels all the time and has been EVERYWHERE…so she gets a bit annoyed at how much I pack and how little I know about airport security.  But I always like to test the rules out regardless of the situation, so it made her pretty ticked when I got through security with all I had in my carry-on!  I would rather of been stopped, because I kinda hoped they would enforce some of the rules. But they never check me, no matter how hard i try!  Anyway, I took about every picture I have of her and her huge blanket (I used to wrap her all up in) all with me too.  That may seem weird, but it sure came in handy on the cold plane and car ride from Cancun though. I was very comfy!

So, I fuess it’s Christmas Eve already…cause it’s after midnight.  I wonder what we will even do on Christmas day?  Maybe we should bake Jesus a birthday cake. Yeah, think I’ll do that.  I pray her and her family are having an awesome Christmas this year and that she is healthy right now.  I still know I made the right decision, even in the hardest situations.  I keep picturing her on santa’s lap and wondering how she took to him.  I bet she looked at him with that funny face of hers.  I can’t wait to see those pictures!  Well, God has a strange way of healing pains sometimes, and I know this is all just part of the plan.

My goal for tomorrow is to get a tan. I am scary pale, compared to everyone!

Every day it’s something new that I realize I’m missing see her do.  The Holidays kinda suck for me right now.  I won’t get into it, cause it just makes people cry…but I wish I could see like her open her first Christmas gift (if a 9 month old baby can even do that yet…) and see like if she is more fascinated my the wrapping paper than the gift? And if she likes Christmas music or bells or even notices it.  All that kinda stuff.  I bet she has family all around 24/7 over the holidays, and she has no clue what is going on but just smiling away at everyone. I bet she took the cutest picture with Santa at the mall or someplace… bet she gave him that look of hers.   I really wish I couId of seen her take her first steps too or heck even hear her voice one more time. I don’t know why I decided to write about this here, it’s just on my mind everyday, so it came out.

Today like everyday, I tried to finish the letter to her adoptive parents. It’s almost done, the problem now is that I’m confused when I wrote what and which order they go in. I just want to send SOMETHING! Then maybe I’ll get more info on her in return (cause I ask for a lot more in the letter) But I found a way to really make me finish it and send, I hope. I’ll get back to that in a minute.

All of a sudden, about a week ago, I became obsessed with tutu’s! And little girl dresses, and hats, and rocking horses, and shoes.  I do more than shop, because I think she would look so cute in everything!  I like keep looking even after Ive spent more than I can, and just save them all for the future or just in case?  I think I’ve covered the Internet completely now for tutu’s though. I got her  a monogrammed diaper tutu and it’s so cute and then one big girl tutu for next year (cause we can’t send packages after the first year…but we never discussed that rule really either)  I don’t even know if they would mind me giving a gift, I never thought about it until now. It’s not really for Christmas, I just want her to have them, but Christmas is a good reason to get it all together and ship it for a deadline day. I had one outfit for her at three months to send, but I couldn’t finish the letter to send with it, so I never did. It was the cutest pink tennis outfit too. I still want to find a cute hat for her, cause she rocks hats!  I just know she will love to play with her tutu dress. It’s not the itchy puffy kind. I remember those from my childhood. I loved them so much, but they made me itch like crazy.Oh yeah, and I still want to find her a pair of cowgirl boots, in red or pink, but I imagine the lowest size they go is still too big for her.  I had this pair of red cowgirl boots when I was little, that I loved to wear ALL the time. Many photos of me just in the boots and diapers..haha.  Life is good when you can chill in your cowboy boots and a tutu and nobody says a word…lol

I  had a random idea concerning how parents tell kids their adopted, or even who a gift came from when it was a birth mom.  Most tell their child before they can talk, just to get them familiar with adoption words in the house.  So here’s an idea that might be easy…Like when he/she asks who gave her some gift, they could say your fairy godmother gave it too you.  I mean sure it’s setting her up maybe for disappointment…but Santa clause, the tooth fairy and Easter bunny do too.  Just incorporate the fairy godmother in with Santa and reindeer and all that stuff. (which I’m still unsure if  ALL that lying is necessary)  At least there is a replacement for the fairy godmother, and that’s when parent’s can introduce the birth mother concept…and explain she really did give you those gifts. It’s like one of the fairytales did come true for the kid kinda.  The gifts were given by someone special.  Just an idea, cause I see all these books on different ways of telling children their adopted, so I just came up with my own.  There are some pretty idiotic ways to tell a child their adoptive that get far too much attention, in my opinion.  I understand the “you grew in my heart one” but that leaves quite a bit of unanswered questions… And in all the movies kids watch, fairy godmother’s are always watching over you from afar and can use their magic wand to turn pumpkins into carriages, or make you the perfect dress, (or give you the perfect family). They are all around just pretty cool ladies, and if you have one of your own…(fairy godmother) well then you must be pretty darn cool too.   always wanted a fairy godmother… That could make sense or sound like I lost my mind.  So, in conclusion of whatever I was talking about before…I am going to send like a big Christmas surprise to them. They will get my letters and the outfits I got her (if they only will come in on time)

My room wreaks of Johnson & Johnson Baby shampoo, powder, lotion, and etc…but I love the smell of it!   That’s a new one, each week it’s something new. I came across one bottle on sale at the grocery store, smelled it, and it reminded me of her.  Her hair always smelled so good!  I don’t know what’s weirder, sniffing her old clothes on occasion or sniffing a bottle of baby no tears shampoo? I know neither are normal, I’ll admit that. This is just the life of a b mom. I figure placing a child for adoption is not a common thing for women to do, so why should we expect those women to do anything but uncommon things afterward? If God planned for her to be adopted (which I feel He did) and he can fill one void at a time in me with little things like making movies of her, writing her letters, scrap booking, and shopping for clothes I can’t buy her, then I don’t care if it is crazy to people!  There crazy to think life would just go on as usual and my daughter would be forgotten.  I have several things I do each day to remember her everyday.  I’ll never ever block it out or repress the memories to make my life easier.  She is with me everywhere I go because I want her to be.  She’s 9 months and 4 days old today.  She has now been with her parents for the same amount of time she was with me (inside of course, but with)  Nine months will seem like nothing pretty soon, she will be 10 before I know it, but right now it feels like an eternity. I miss her laugh the most.

I just have to post some of the cutest ones I found. I sent them to my mom and my best friend, and couldn’t;t understand why they weren’t gawking over them like I was. I guess I picture her in each one, and can see her playing with the dress.

Ok I’m done with looking now, promise! Except for some boots…She is a Texas girl.

Just recently I stumbled upon a really cool little website when searching for a countdown clock.

The world death count (causes of death).

What are some of the biggest causes of death in the media today?

Traffic accidents are certainly talked about a lot. A lot of money is poured into making us feel guilty for going 5 kms over the speed limit. Death count in 2008 to date: 695 290

Of course cancer is also a big cause of death, and God forbid that you are brave enough to stick a cigarette in your mouth in public these days, you just might get lynched. Death count in 2008: 4 242 159

What of HIV-AIDS? A cause of death that affects Africa in a big way and is largely and sadly quite unnecessary. Death count: 1 810 070.

Cardiovascular disease is the biggest commonly recognised cause of death in the world. A percentage of this statistic is also filled by people who die of old age. Death count: 9 764 500 and counting.

What of war? Surely it ravages so many lives. (And by the way I know that it does, and living refugees are huge victims of war.)
Death count: 99 972 (Much smaller than traffic accidents.)

But there is one cause of death that dwarfs all these statistics, in fact it is a higher cause of death than all the above combined. Abortion so far in 2008 has killed 22 million, 652 thousand and counting, very rapidly. Abortion is the hidden killer, we hear very little about it in the media. The figure in Australia every year is about 100 000. It is a staggering statistic to know that abortion kills SO much more lives than any other cause.